Not Sure We’re Talking About the Same Thing

Whenever I see someone talking about the “secret” to marriage, I look at what they’re saying and end up scratching my head.  Because they always seem to be describing a totally different sort of relationship than mine, and I can’t help but think that it has two probable causes: my spouse is a long-time friend (and obviously now best friend), and we are feminists.  Those two things seem to be a base difference to everything I see people complain about or discuss overcoming when they describe their marriages and what makes them stable.

It goes a long way to making things peaceful, happy and rewarding when you genuinely enjoy spending time with your spouse doing whatever and you don’t allow stupid gender binary shit to get in the way.

Is our marriage really so different, or do other people with marriages like ours not talk about it much?

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One response to “Not Sure We’re Talking About the Same Thing”

  1. janeyqdoe says :

    That article was just plain scary. Why do people think that relationships must mean fights, yelling and just being plain old pricks to each other? In eight years, my husband and I have never had a fight. We have this utterly bizarre thing going on where if we disagree, we discuss it like grown ups and work out a compromise.

    I think you hit the nail on the head with the point about gender binaries. Both the article and the comments seemed to happily accept that husbands created arguments over what their wives did or did not do. It was a thinly veiled defence of traditional gender roles within a marriage. It felt like, to these people, the only way to make a marriage last was to simply put up and shut up. Healthy.

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